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Will you attract thousands? I don’t know, but if you don’t ever think about the masses you will never draw the masses.”   Clayton Coates, singles pastor at Saddleback Church

Now that you have collected your data and looked at your potential or relevant transitions, what do you do with that information? One of the sad but maybe beneficial realities within singles ministry is that although single adults are one of the most diverse and largest demographics within the church, there is not much out there as far as programs and resources. You may ask, “Why is this a good thing?” Well, it’s a good thing because you don’t have to weed though a bunch of different programs, books, and resources to find out what works best.

The ministry that you are in the process of building will never bear fruit if it is not meeting the needs of the people who are coming or who will come. The reason that you followed the steps in the last article was so that you could find out the needs of your target audience and the transitions therein, and then launch a ministry to meet those needs. If you believe in building a ministry that meets the needs of single parents, yet you do not have any single parents in your church or community, it is not likely that it will thrive and bear much fruit. On the other hand, if you are in a community where there is a larger population of young singles who are career-focused, a ministry that hits on topics such as dating, authenticity, relationships, trusting God, and using the time you’re single to serve God would more than likely bear a lot of fruit.

At this point you should be aware of:

• the message that you are communicating to singles of value, importance, and vitality to your local church and the global church
• the demographics of the community that your church is in 
• the demographics of your local church 
• the general transitions that your singles will go through

You have already done some of the most valuable and important work that can be done to  leverage your new or refurbished ministry for the greatest amount of success.

I want to now turn to a very practical section that I pray will be very beneficial to you. I am going to break down a typical ministry and offer some helps and resources (just a couple to start with) for you.

Small groups

This goes without saying, but I will say it anyway. Small groups are the most important piece to your singles ministry. God did not intend for anyone to do life on their own. God created us for relationships and desires us to “do life together.” This has nothing to do with marriage but simply doing life with other people. I have found it helpful to categorize singles small groups by decades or by life stage like “single parent.” It is easier to bring different groups together for events and different activities that exist within the same decade or life stage. Many older single adults don’t mind the younger ones, but this isn’t always reciprocated. Likewise, some singles just don’t want children running around when they are meeting or having some form of gathering.  If you are just starting out, you may have one group for each decade or you may have one group … and that is fine. Remember that a small group can be from four to 14 or more people. The most important part is that whoever you have is involved in a small group.

Resources: Curriculum and tips can be found at: www.purposedriven.com.
 
Centralized gathering

A lot of what I am going to write in this section is personal opinion that I have formed while contemplating and discussing with pastors of all kinds. I believe that most people desire three different sizes of groups, whether realized or not. I believe that they desire a small group that they are doing life with, a large gathering for corporate worship, and a mid-sized gathering of people who are at a similar place in life as themselves. I have found that singles like to gather with other singles. Singles attract other singles; it’s a fact.

The centralized (on campus) gathering does not have to happen every week. It can happen twice a month, once a month, once a quarter, or whatever works best for your church. This is up to you. One factor that you should be very sensitive to is that your gathering does not take away from weekend worship services and small groups. Your singles have jobs, some have families, but they are all busy. If you have too many gatherings throughout the week, you can actually do more harm than good.

I host a monthly gathering called Revolution. This is my opportunity to speak directly to the single adults who choose to come. I speak on topics that are relevant to the needs in the single adult community. Many of the talks are geared to two different types of relationships, a relationship with God, and a relationship with others.

Resources: Soul Matters podcast

Events

There are all kinds of events that you can do as a singles ministry. Singles love to have fun and will take the opportunity to gather and have fun as frequently as possible. As you plan your events, think of them in terms of either thousands or hundreds. Events for thousands are ones that have the potential to reach the masses within and outside your singles community. Will you attract thousands? I don’t know, but if you don’t ever think about the masses you will never draw the masses. We all have to think big. Unfortunately, we often think too small. We think “in control” and not “out of control.”

At Saddleback, dances are really our largest events. They have been going on long before I ever came on staff and to be honest with you, I never thought that I would ever put on a dance, but I did and it was great. People had so much fun and we continue to have them. For some of you, concerts, ski trips, days at a park, game nights, or mixers may be great events.

Events for hundreds are those smaller events that can meet a variety of needs. Many times these events are seminar types of events. Revolution that I spoke of earlier is a hundreds event for me. Seminars on dating, conflict resolution, dealing with past hurts, finances, and raising children, or caring for elderly parents may be good types of hundreds events for your ministry.

When I began putting on events in my ministry, I did it on my own. That was dumb. An event is the easiest and best way to include your singles in ministry. Events are also the best place to form a volunteer team to plan and execute the events. This is an area that I have almost completely given over to volunteers. With every person on the team, they bring with them a circle of influence. When they are involved, they bring that circle. That fact helps you build a crowd. Singles will invite others to events that they helped plan. It all has to do with relational trust. They are your bridge.

Resources: From time to time, we survey our singles about what events they’re interested in. The surveys allow singles to check boxes of preferred events and write in types of events that we may have missed.

Divorce Care

One transition in life that is sadly increasing is divorce. Divorce is an extremely tough time. This is a place where you can really minister to singles in need. When I began singles ministry, my wife and I went through all 13 weeks of Divorce Care alongside the hurting people involved. This was an extremely eye-opening experience that allowed me to better understand the hurts and needs of singles going though divorce.

Resource: www.divorcecare.com

Divorce Care 4 Kids

This is a great opportunity for you to work with your children’s area to provide healing from hurts for children who are going through divorce. Children feel like divorce is their fault and that they are the only one who is going through it. The safe environment and the intentional curriculum of Divorce Care 4 Kids is a valuable way to lead the children on a path of healing and restoration. The Divorce Care 4 Kids curriculum follows the same outline as the Divorce Care curriculum and supplies “parental talk sheets” to promote more discussion between the parent and child during this very difficult time. Please consider the children of divorce. They don’t need to be overlooked; it only leads to a continued cycle of divorce and broken relationships.

Resource: http://www.divorcecare.com/dc4k/

Single parent family

There is no more difficult position in life than single parent. Single parents have to be both mom and dad and wear all of those differing hats. Single parents have specific needs and can relate to one another in a very meaningful way. Having small groups that are specific to single parents can really add support to their very busy lives. I have found that using the centralized small group model works best with this. I have a room on campus during the week where single parents can gather and have their small group around round tables in the same room. This provides the setting where they can relax, understand that they are not alone, support one another, and grow together as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Resource: http://www.spfm.org/

Step families

Blended and step families are really the same thing, just different terms. This is an area of transition that I spoke briefly about in last month’s article. The blending of two families is one of the most difficult things to accomplish. There are certain topics that need deep exploration before two single adults stand before God and say “I do.” Please caution your singles who appear to be rushing into a marriage where there will be a “blending” involved. It is going to be tough, but even tougher if the right conversations have not taken place first.

Resource: http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/

Premarital material

I am going to keep this short because I am sure that you all have your methods of ministering to people who are engaged. I will say that marriage should always be taken seriously and you have the right to say “no” to a couple who you do not feel is ready for marriage. I have realized that when a couple is engaged, it is often unrealistic to believe that they will not get married even when red flags are raised during the engagement period. What do I do then? I do the best job that I can of taking the premarital principles and communicating them as many times as possible before engagement.

Resource: Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts among many, many others

I hope that this article has proven helpful as you move forward in your singles ministry. You don’t have to have all of the pieces. There may not be a need. These are just a few to begin with. Remember, your desire is to be purposeful in building your ministry. You have collected the data so only launch the ministries where you see a need. It is very beneficial to keep a file of resources and support ministries close to your side. If you have any questions, I will do my best to further help you if you e-mail me at claytonc@saddleback.net.