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Developing multi-family small groups in your church by Rick Bradford |
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If there's one statistic that makes me upset, it's this one. Seventy percent of Christian kids are dropping out of church by their sophomore year in college. That means, on average, only three out of ten of the kids in your youth group will be involved in church just two years into their college experience. How sad!
There are a lot of theories as to why there is such a great exodus of Christian kids out of our churches. But there is one cause that overshadows all the others. These young people haven't seen Christ lived out at home. Sure their parents have taken them to church and made sure they were involved in a youth group, but they rarely hear their parents discuss spiritual matters and live out their faith in front of them.
Unfortunately, we've developed a "coach mentality" in many of our churches. We want our kids to learn the piano so we take them to a piano teacher. We want them to learn soccer so we take them to a soccer coach. We want them to grow spiritually so we take them to a youth minister. But there's a problem with that mindset. God has given parents the responsibility to raise their kids and help them grow spiritually. He tells fathers in Ephesians 4:6 (NIV), "Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." In Proverbs 22:6, he tells parents to: "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Family small groups were an important part of my children's growing up time. I have two daughters, 27- and 23-years-old, and we've been in family small groups since they were in grammar school. It's made an important difference in their lives, not just because they've seen us talk about spiritual matters but also because they built relationships with other Christian adults. Studies show that if kids have other adults in their life who would be disappointed by poor choices, they are much less likely to fail.
I've long had a passion to see parents and their kids involved in small groups together. So, we have developed a special curriculum for family groups that makes it easy for anyone to lead one. Our first studies go through Genesis but more are on the way. For more detailed information on the family studies, click here or go to www.saddlebackresources.com.
At Saddleback we have had as many as 90 family small groups – that's more than 1,400 people including children. How do we do it? I'll run through a few important components of our family studies. You may also want to watch this short video for some great insights.
Fellowship time: This is absolutely crucial for a family group. If you're going to involve kids in your small group, there needs to be fun involved. You'll want to have some sort of game that the kids will enjoy, something that'll make them want to come back the next week. It's tempting for adults to skip over fellowship time, but don't do it.
Worship time: There's a lot of great children's worship music. Grab one of those CDs for the worship time. Adults can worship just as well with the children's music. It brings tears to my eyes to see kids worship with adults. Of course, as part of the worship time we also pray together.
Bible study: I know what you're thinking. How are the kids and adults both going to get something out of the Bible study? Our studies are on the kids' level, but challenging for everyone. I don't know about you, but I already know more of the Bible than I am applying. So, I can dig deeper into God's Word in a whole variety of other ways. I can study the Bible on my own or listen to a preacher as I drive. But we'll only have an opportunity like this to build the Word into our kids for a short window of time.
We do expect a high level of commitment from everyone in the group – kids and adults. Each person brings their own Bible. Challenge your kids to memorize Scripture. Of course, if you're requiring them to do it, you'll need to do it as well. This isn't a babysitting service.
You'll want to make sure that you're recognizing the kids for their input in the Bible study time. Let them know you appreciate what they have to say. That will build their confidence and give them incentive to continue to offer their thoughts.
Ministry and Mission: These two purposes are equally important to learn at an early age. Because of that, every small group should decide on a project that they can do together. One month it could be within the church family (ministry) and the next month some form of outreach (mission).
Subgroups: Family groups can get big quickly. Think about it. If you have four couples in a group, that's eight people. Not a big deal. But if you add a couple of kids for each couple, suddenly you're nearing 20 people. That's too big of a group for people to get their turn to share. In our small group we subgroup for the Bible study, but we come together for fellowship, worship, and the other components.
We talk a lot about family in our churches, but what do we really do that helps the family? Starting family small groups at your church is something tangible you can do.
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Rick Bradford is the pastor of couples' small groups at Saddleback Church where he has served for the past six years. His previous roles include church planter, youth pastor, senior pastor, and missionary to international students.